Thursday, May 21, 2009

From My Heart

I can not believe I am almost 3 months pregnant. It is finally starting to become real to me. I have been holding my breath for the past 11 weeks, waiting on something to happen.

I guess anyone who has had a pregnancy loss, no matter how early or late, understands my feelings. My loss took the innocence out of pregnancy. Before I was living in the "nothing happens to me pregnant" world. My first pregnancy was simple and for the most part free from problems and fears. Now, I have fears.

I am still terrified that something will happen to this baby. I know that the odds of something happening to it now are slim to none, but the odds of me having a molar pregnancy were even less, and it happened.

I wish I could go back in time and have the innocence back. Have the fears gone. I know I can not live in fear, it is just hard to allow myself to get excited over this child, knowing what can happen.

With that said, I am slowly allowing myself to let go of those fears, and accept the fact that yes, I AM PREGNANT! I will have a newborn baby in December! Hearing the heart beat daily along with the morning sickness and my growing belly are all helping to heal my heart. I don't think I will ever "get over" my loss, but I am moving on, which is a good feeling.

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